how to lose visitation...

so, I've been furiously working on #19, and I've made some progress. But before I can update you on how I'm managing to get the sperm donor to see his son, I have to tell you real quick how he came to not seeing his son.

And if you're not familiar with what a piece of work this dude is, you can read all about   the sperm donor's   exploit's right here.

Now I don't want to paint a completely one-sided picture. He cares about his son. But to avoid retelling the story about all the damage he's done, and recounting every incident in our lives, I'll summarize as best I can: he cares about his son the way a child cares about their pet. They love them, but not enough to put their own selfish needs aside. And he's shown this over & over & over & over again & again & again & again...anyway, I digress.

We start at the point where dude is years behind in child support (unemployed), and only seeing his son (he won't agree to a visitation agreement - doesn't want "The Man" telling him what to do...) when it doesn't interfere with his weed-induced playstation weekends with his boys (yes, he's over 30, but again, I digress...). So, I feel empowered to put some additional duties on him. This particular day, he was supposed to pick up my son from my house, take him to a doctor's appointment, then drop him off at school. When school let out, he was to meet him at my house, and wait for me to get home (after work & school - I was burning the candle at both ends at the time). I had an 8AM meeting @ work, so my daughter was waiting for the sperm donor to show.

I get a call @10AM from my daughter - no sperm donor. I call the sperm donor, and the convo goes like this:

me: um, where are you?
sd: at home. why?
me: did you forget about Hammy's doctor's appt?
sd: oh, i rescheduled that.
me: were you PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS?!!!

So, I leave the meeting that I was still in, rush home (45 min away) to pick my son up, drop him off at school (15 min), drop daughter off at college - she was late for an exam (25 min) and head back to work (45 min) - and got a verbal warning from my boss. Great. Since this was somewhat de rigueur for FL, while I was pissed - I saved my ire for a more appropriate time - when I could go home & go off - after class that evening. My pissed-offedness was multiplied twelvefold by the numerous phone calls from my son's therapist - about the no-show charge that we'd incurred by not cancelling the appt. Thanks to sperm donor.

So, imagine my surprise when I called there on the way home, and got - no answer? WTF? I redialed - then dialed his cell (no answer) - and was home by the time I figured out - he's not here?!! So, I call his homeboy - not there either - and then call his sister's house (he didn't have his own place...). The basic convo:

me: O-kaaayyyy...weren't you supposed to be at my house?!!!
sd: oh well, I figured it would be just as easy for you to come pick him up here...
me: and yOu WeRe GoInG tO tElL mE tHiS wHeN?!!!
sd: I was gonna call you when i thought you were on your way home...
me: mutha-f&*^%, I AM HOME!!!!

At this point, I lost all rational thought, and strung expletives together in ways that would amaze not only Merriam Webster, but also Andrew Dice Clay, Richard Pryor and Dave Chappelle. So, driving over sis's house at 90 MPH, and continuing the expletive-slinging in the parking lot outside her apartment at about 140 decibels while not being a good idea, was inevitable. I don't remember much of that argument, except the statement that ended it...

me: Hell, I can get a homeless nigga off the street to do the job that you're doing now M^&%@-F^#*@, and...you know what?!! F^#* this - I'mma do everything in my damn power to find a responsible father for my son, so we don't have to deal with this bullshyt any more...

Yes, I emasculated him.

I felt bad about it later, not because it wasn't true (it was). Mostly, I felt bad because even if it was true, that thought should never have been given air, let alone life. It should've festered in my brain, and left my lips only to hit the ear of a trusted girlfriend, in a late night gripe session. Not the ears of the subject at hand.

That was Fall '03. I've avoided FL since, and kept the sperm donor from my son. He missed X-Mas '03, birthday '04, Hammy breaking his arm, Hammy expanding his vocabulary, my attempts to teach Hammy to ride his bike, X-mas '04, etc...etc...

until now...